无理之愁；非需理而愈

- I have found that anger inevitably seems to be conjoined with emotional investment… And that makes you suffer." Astrid Farnsworth (FRINGE)

For me, I don't know how did i do it or since when, but my anger seems to be able to convert to sadness.

And I would always cry because I'm angry.

I can't be easily angry, hardly seen.

Since when I was really young, I have already told and brainwash myself,
being angry is really pointless.
Whats more important are that things are done to salvage the situation.

And if i cant succeed, I will also cry.

Probably that's why bah.


When I was young, I hated no one. Even now.

I couldn't hate anyone no matter how much they disappoint me because.
There is a far way greater "thing" that I always hated in my heart.
Else, are just "sesame green bean" stuffs that I could not be bothered about.
I could tolerate a lot things for the things and experiences at my age to take the relevant nonsense.

I hide a lot of things not because I am afraid i might be betrayed.

I feel a lot of things are unneeded to share, everyone has their own life to care about.
I feel more comfortable with things in my heart, more securities.

And that I dont have to bother people with my nonsense.
But I know it's damn unhealthy... lol..

recalling back when i was young, I was really goddamn obedient.

whenever i trying to rebel, trying to voice my views and opinions,
i was shut off immediately and saying I cannot “顶嘴”,

and that I simple gave no respect to elderly when i really really do give them tons.

I have no say. Nobody feels me when I was young and lend me their listening ears.
I have to engulf all my pains and thoughts within myself.

I know everyone will go through something like mine, but I am really an obedient child.
And i needed someone to talk to, very often. Esp those, who i valued and respected a lot, the "adults" that chided me.
I dont like more troubles, bringing more unhappiness and I swear I was really, really really a very obedient child.
I dont know why but I think I am still one, right now (:


- 千里之行﹐始於足下。

Have I not been trying..? Have I not move even a bit ..?

- 不患人之不己知，患不知人也。
I should be stop being self-centered, hoping others would know, understand and appreciate me.
I should jolly well get the idea of the world is evolve ard me, and not the otherwise.


My facebook pic,

regarding: Work like you dont need the money, love like you have never been hurt before does not.

Actually I do not literally mean to work like you dont need the money.
That shows the surface message with shallow thoughts.

Its about conveying a msg,
I know life is tough, hard, terrible struggling, suffocating. We all do know.

But do you want to bear a hatred and be unhappy forever in your own life? Just a least, "TRY" to think positively.

Try, even a little i mean. If not, your life given by your parents are simply wasted because you live a sad, hated life with sorrowful vengeance.

Whats the point of internal struggling within yourself the whole life when you will die one fine day?

You said, Im still young, I know nothing.

Do I not have things I very much hated to do in my life since young before?
Do I not, may i ask?

I did whine, cry, rebel and everything. Yes i admit i hated, yet at the same time, I think positively.
It's really hurtful, really, really very much painful to the core.
It tore me into countless pieces and made me a failed person.

I know what benefits I could get, I know who i can satisfy my results with (but not appreciated on the surface), but still hated terribly much till I really wanna give up umpteen times, really many times.

And may I repeat once again, "I know life is tough, hard, terrible struggling, suffocating. we all do know."

Though I really hated it to the core, I still have to think positively.
And if i do not, how do I managed move till this far?

And for goodness sake, its a decade of unhappiness and struggle, (plus do take in an account of my age). A decade in my age..

For that, i became really introvert. Till i start to learn again and overcome.
But the differences aren't huge.

I wonder who thinks like me when I posted that.