It used to be an usual practice of mine .
Shaking the can hardly and opening the lid with a "psst" sound .
and i started to binge drinking .
It wasn't meant to be an addiction in the first place, it was meant to torture my brain and made me stop thinking about the "unhappiness" .
Was having a "depression" that time .
I know i wasn't a good drinker, but i still drink it so that it will make my head pain and slowing down my brain process .
And of course terrible hangover on the following day .
I love it a lot seriously .

It was mid May on that year, i remembered .
And too much of alcohol sure do make me even more unable to remember things .
I wonder if alcohol will damage my brain cells and if they will recover ?
I want my fantastic memory back !
I used to be superly good at memory games !
But it's all gone, or maybe im too old to remember anything ?

Then i made a promise after some bargaining not to drink for more than two cans per day . ):
So uberly sad .
But he was there, supporting me and helping me to cure my addiction .
And till now, i never break that promise .

My resolution for this year is to be a better person and be filial to my parents .
But i'd failed .
Though i had removed my hatred and revenge *** ***, but i still have not show any love or concern to my parents .
Im such a bad daughter .

During my yoga class, I was asked to ask myself this question when we were lying down on the mat with lights off, "What makes me a happy person" .
I closed my eyes and think .
Breathing in and out, slowly and peacefully ..
........
It is my existing happy family and seeing my friends to be happy .
.......
......
.....
...
..
.
I really don't know what i should do .
Showing concern and care to others is a difficult task to do for me .
I don't wanna be a nonchalant person, but i think the past has made me one .

Every year since primary school, my teachers never fail to write "Ying Yi is a Cheerful person" .
...
...
Where has my cheerfulness gone to ?
Where ... where ..
i don't know .
. . .
. . .
I couldn't develop trust in anyone anymore .
Adults used to tell me,
When you are in the working life, you must be careful and don't anyhow trust anyone .
I don't know, i wonder is it when human beings start to grow up, they will be more scheming or more be careful in their every moves ? i don't know .

Well, i guess those who know me well should know what i will do next because, im feeling superly "thirsty" for it now ..
Its still early for hangovers because i only get it when i drink right before sleeping .
May i have a good day in school tomorrow ((:

wooooo thanks xiao7 fer wakinqq me up early, if not i'll be in deep trouble x:
hehehehheheees ! :D

AISEHHHHH MANXZXZXZXZXZXZ !!! :D
IM SHO PROUD OF MYSELF !!
1st time swallowed BIG pills without chewinq lehhys !!
mai siaosiaoo ehhs ! :D
HAHAHAAS ! >_<

last time everytime muz chew in small pieces then can swallow x:
yea, it's bitter i noe but i juz couldn't swallow pills no matter how mani BIGBIG gulps i took lurhhs !
i can even keep drinkinq like 20 cups of water and pills still in mouth lorrss -.-

HAHAAAS !
i rawks ! x:

i will be Tougher on mahhself ..
i will Torture mahhself ..
andd Tire mahhself out till i wun rmb anythinq abt it !
andd so tat muai life will be better nxt timee ..

thinqs tat i need to settle : grade 7 piano exam pieces .
JIIAYOUUS YINGYI ! YEAH ! I CAN DO IT ! :D
Admin thCakee's dhe best !
!speakall i Love thCakee ! <3 xoxo
!say Thankyouu all ! Love ya too ! Muackmuackks ! {:

WHYY . WHY ..
WHY ...
.............
it has been killinq me fer years ..
andd has made me bleed so much fer years ..
torturinq me so badly ..
till i trust no1,
animore ...
makinq me cry everyday ..
like an immature lil toddler ..

my life,
and past will always repeat itself, just like a cycle,
pushinq dhe depth of my cut till 'it' is broken into half
and tat's dhe day tat i will bid farewell .
and tat's dhe day, when all my pains will begone .

There is no true love .
Everlastinq love is juz a hoax ,
everythinq is juz like a fairytale tat will nvr come true .

left me bearinq all those pains and broken promises .
andd tat's wad makes my life interestinq .

Wa laoo ehhs !!
kanot slp lurhhs !!! now its like 4++ am la dheyys~
cfm 1st dae of school black panda liiaosxzxz !!
)):
I WAN TO SLP LA PLSPLS !!
shud hab like 1 month ago train mahhself tuhh slp early -.-
arghhh T.T

Libra Women

Libra woman mostly has an egg oval facial shape. She has a nice smooth skin and a good figure. She will spend so much effort to keep her skin clean and pretty. She can be easily allergy to cosmetic and make up, but taken care of her face and avoid wrinkle is her hobby. She is good at it and tends to look younger than her age. She can be very naughty like a little boy, but yet fully 100% women.

She looks nice in either Jean or night gown. She thinks woman is equal to man. Sometimes she can think faster than you, but she will not leave you far behind. She will try not to make you feel like you are competed or defeated in any games she plays with you even she is winning. She is a little flirt even she has no idea what she wants.

She can not decide what to do, and what not to do, so she can not set her schedule very well in all cases. She is gifted with how to dress, and how to match her dress. She likes to dress in black and wear perfume. She likes a mild flowery scent. In any argument, she can really argue. She can argue for hours, and mostly win the argument. If it is not a serious argument, she could argue and once a while give you a smile also.

She will make a good politician, because she can tell which party will win the election. She always has good reasons; even she likes to contradict herself. She can not decide what is right and wrong for her, because everything has a good side and a bad side. Woman in other Zodiac might not care what other people think, but Libra woman care what other people, or what you feel as much as her own feeling.

She can adjust to her environment very well, so at work she will be at the ladder up. She likes team work in doing things. If you ask her for help or advice, she will help you except if she does not like your guts. She can change you and make you think you change by yourself without her influence. Good sides of being with Libra woman are she never interferes with your privacy. She will not make you loose face in front of your friends.

Even she cares about how much money she has left his her bank account; she will never forget to let you know how much she cares for you. She thinks taken care of the house is a woman job and she can do it well. But if you expect a Libra woman to fear you, then you are wrong. She is a strong woman even she looks at you with that sweet innocent pairs of baby’s looks and may loose you (let you win) in a few poker games.

If she is the one you are after, then go step by step. The best way is using her friends introducing you to her. Do not make her feel or treat her like a bubble head. You have to move forward toward her with confident and secure. Show her that you are a kind, polite and a real gentleman. Be a slow hand or else you might get smack!

DAMNN !! THIS IS SHO SUPERLY TRUE ABOUT ME MANNXZXZ !!
HOLYSHITSSS !! X:

*http://fantasyworld.wordpress.com/libra-women (link gotten from xiaoSEVEN's bloq x:)
hehehees ! :/

boredd~
afkinq in dota
andd went tuhh read emails ..
got ard 11.7k unread sehh !
mai siaosiao ehhs ! [:
one of dhe newest unread mail goes like this :

FW: Why Chinese shouldn't have Christian names‏

Caller : Hello, can I speak to Annie Wan (anyone)?

Operator : Yes, you can speak to me.

Caller : No, I want to speak to Annie Wan (anyone)!

Operator : You are talking to someone! Who is this?

Caller : I'm Sam Wan (Someone). And I need to talk to Annie Wan (anyone)! It's urgent.

Operator : I know you are someone and you want to talk to anyone! But what's this urgent matter about?

Caller : Well... just tell my sister Annie Wan (anyone) that our brother Noel Wan (no one)has involved in an accident. Noel Wan (no one)got injured and now Noel Wan (no one) is being sent to the hospital. Right now, Avery Wan (everyone) is on his way to the hospital.

Operator : Look if no one was injured and no one was sent to the hospital, then the accident isn't an urgent matter! You may find this hilarious but I don't have time for this!

Caller : You are so rude! Who are you?

Operator : I'm Saw Lee (Sorry).

Caller : Yes! You should be sorry. (angry)Now give me your name!!!

L-maos ..
but i rmb seeinq this few yrs bak :/
hahahas !!

-Mahh xiiaoSEVEN ish dhe cutest MANXZXZXZ !! ohmytian ! O:

This is sho lmaotic .
I tink haven upload finish bahhs x:

How lonq did you manage to figure it out ? ._.


*edit - goinq tuhh msia tml at 4.30am
andd i miss hostinq mahh maple server )):

A Little Too Not Over You

You never cross my mind at all
That's what I tell myself
What we had has come and gone
You're better off with someone else
It's for the best, I know it is
But I see you
Sometimes I try to hide
What I feel inside

And I turn around
You're with him now
I just can't figure it out

Tell me why
You're so hard to forget
Don't remind me
I'm not over it
Tell me why
I can't seem to face the truth
I'm just a little too not over you
Not over you

Memories
Supposed to fade
What's wrong with my heart?
Shake it off, let it go
Didn't think it be this hard
Should be strong
Moving on
But I see you
Sometimes I try to hide
What I feel inside

And I turn around
You're with him now
I just can't figure it out

Tell me why
You're so hard to forget
Don't remind me
I'm not over it
Tell me why
I can't seem to face the truth
I'm just a little too not over you

Maybe I regret
Everything I said
No way to take it all back, yeah
Now I'm on my own
How I let you go
I'll never understand
I'll never understand
Yeah, oooh, oooh, oooh
Oooooooh
Oh
Ooooh, oh

Tell me why
You're so hard to forget
Don't remind me
I'm not over it
Tell me why
I can't seem to face the truth
I'm just a little too not over you

Tell me why
You're so hard to forget
Don't remind me
I'm not over it
Tell me why
I can't seem to face the truth
And I really don't know what to do

I'm just a little too not over you
Not over you

x: need help in rememberinq thinqs required tuhh make recipes T.T
http://dota-allstars-blog.blogspot.com/2007/11/dota-allstars-recipe-list.html

HAHAAAS!!
Went piano lesson as usual tis morninq .
dhenns dere was tis lady in her late 30s in ya kun orderinq food .
She(in chinese)," i wan a cup of coffee.. then errr.. 2 slices of butter kaya .... and.. ehm.. 2 slices of kaya butter.."
Counter lady(in chinese)," [pause] err.. oh ! so total will be 1 cup of coffee and 4 slices of butter kaya right ?"
She," Yeah "

LOL so retarted lurhhs zzz
its like sayin i wan curry chicken wid chicken ?? ._.
hahaas !!

dhenns sis&me went jp .
we ate ice cream from mac
dhens she sed i eat ice cream like scupting it LOL
dhens she ask me eat faster cuz she wanna shop :/

andd she bought a pair of slippers ..
the size was juz nice fer her ,
dhenns since she's p6 andd will be growinq fast so i asked her buy a size bigger but dhe shopkeeper sed,
"This is already the biggest size that we have."
LOLL !! ohmygod LAAA !!
seriously ahhs, her feet bigger dhenns mine lo, and im like.. goin to poly and she's p6 who's takin PSLE!!
OMFG !!
im sho small in size T.T
haiss
sadded
dhens saw a lil boy runrun in jp and fell x:
omg x:

after tat we took bus 198 home .
qort 1 family talking loudloud sia !
dhen dhe father sed tuhh his p6 son after read a paragraph of chinese words from his sms,
"YOU DUNNO HOW READ? WHY U DUNNO HOW READ ? LIMBEI STUDY UNTIL SEC 1, U OSO DUNNO HOW READ?!?"
he got poor el and singlish how he expect his son to excel ? ._.

andd his sms was those chained smses .. something like ..
(blahblahh) if u dun send this to (duno how many) friends who is oso takin PSLE, you will.. blahblahhh..
dhens his mum was like sayinq.. "this kind of fwen no good, dun read" ( in chinese )
andd she scolded him for "receiving" ?!?!
weird rite ? weird mum ..
its like.. he oso cant control his fwen if his fwen send him tat sms rite !
poor lil boy ..

dhens mahh sis was drinkin bubble tea..
she had 3 pearls stickin tgt and was tryin hard to separate them to eat..
dhens her actions made the guy behind her luff
LOL
and andd he was mumbering..
i tink he ke siao lurhhs..
when he alightin liiaos, he stand at the staircase on the upper deck and LOOK AT US FOR LIKE 5 MINS OK !
IM SERIOUS !!
its like.. the bus had stopped there fer sooo long and moved le he still stand there look at us like.. ghost ..?
plus 2dae "qing ming" week lehhys ! HOLY SHIT !
zzzz

sho stoopidd LAAAAAA !! NBNB !!
he had a bald head and black thick-rimmed spects + superly skinny zzz
he no gf tats y lurhhs nbnb
x:

ok lurhhs..
at least there is something im happy wif !
which is... !!
A SKIRT TAT I CRAVE FOR 5 DAYS AND REGRETTED FOR NOT BUYING ! HAHS !
:D

My mum oways send pictorials and facts emails to me during her working time -.-
i tink i shall show you one of her emails tat she sent me 2dae at 2.28 pm ~

Fw: Funnies Accident in the World‏

LOL..
i got no comments abt these stupid ppl especially the one who drive the "BIG" vehicles
cuz dhey ought to noe how heavy dhe thing can carry wurt -.-

Sometimes i wonder if having my favourite pet at home will teach me how to show love and care to others ..
idk lehhys ..
i feel like i becum more cold blooded liiaos and not as friendly as last time liiaos..
i wonder issit bcuz i long time no interact wid others since dere is no schooling ?? O:
mayb i shud google " how to show love and concern to others? "
LMAOSS jkjk :/

aiyaaa wadevaa lurhhs !
2dae korean lesson was fun !
and dere is a new classmate !
when cher ask him " Do you have any girlfriend and how many do you have? (in korean to let him practice speakin korean)
he sed he have and alot, one each in every country(in korean) LMAOS !!
HAHAHHAAAS !!!
:/
dhens mahh turn to speak up le :/
cher ask me, " how many boyfriends do you have?(in korean and wanted me to ans in korean)"
i replied, " ... (cant rmb wad i sed in korean).. chin-gudo(boyfriends) eok man gugugugugugu(199999.. wadeva lol)"
of course it was wrong why of saying la
dhen he teach us how to sae 199999999 in korean and HE SED IT SUPERLY FAST !! LIKE RAPPING SIA !! and we all coudlnt rmb !! it was super long~
for example , juz 9999 = gu cheon gu baek gu sip gu

LOLLLLL !! so cute lo.. dhen everyone was like.. har!?!? har ?!?! cher can repeat ?
dhen he repeat like rapping agn and everyone was laughing and couldnt catch it LOL
but ltr he sed he dint expect us to noe it now cuz too complicated fer us x:
HAHAHAA!!

fun lurhhs !!
hahaas !
dhenns i treat mahh mum famous amos cookies ((:
hahhaas x:

i oso helped mahh sis to make a habbo server ~
im such a good daughter and sis sio ~
so proud of me :D
HAHHAHAAS !! :P