cramp agn .

i dont wanna see anyone anymore
dont wanna get anymore unreachable hopes
hah .
i feel like a joke
yea .
i think i soon having depression uh .
or it must be my moodswing .

lol
wtfux

can i lose touch with everything n be in my own world ..?
probably learnt too much things ..
probably bottled up too many things ..
it me who gave up things around me
so i will bear the aftermath .

i think im having a real fever .
who would care .
yea right .. for all the things i've done , still expecting concern like as if i deserve much

sigh .
i need a real hard slapping words on me .

down .

what is my happiness ? .. when my sadness chased everyone off .

..
..

what am i doing now .
i shall get motivated alr .

should nt get emotional alr .
im letting myself down .

);

k . i dont have the same frequency with people around me .
im always .
the one
so uniquely thinking about other things
or always catch no balls ..

Tell me, that you are beside me, supporting me yea ..

I have not made any 2012 resolutions yet because I have the whole year time to think about it.
And i have thought of some things now.

1. I will be more sensible.

2. Enough of the acting cute, acting favourable, acting bhb, etc (unless needed or to people whom I feel secure and safe.)

3. I will work hard, and extra hard in anything I do.

4. I will definitely not let myself down, and my loved ones too.

5. Enough of my laziness and procrastinating.

6. I will strive and be determined towards my goals.

7. I will work hard to make even that little changes to the world.

8. I will do things in a manner and behave myself to earn respect.

9. I will overcome my fears and phobia, bit by bit. (Shall not name them here)

10. Regarding behaving like a lady, ... dont intend to work on this yet

11. I will learn to cook and takecare of people. (Do be patience and give me some time..)

12. My outfits .. im not sure about this yet ..

13. I will die trying.

14. I will learn to reject.

15. I will give even more to people whom I treasure.

16. I will make my life meaningful.

17. Have more faith in myself.

18. Study hard.

19. I will be the one that even people who hate me, need me eventually.

20. Enough of the xiaojie piqi.

21. I be strong.

22. Be successful.

23. Make unfortunate and hurtful events as a life lessons and overcome it.

24. Appreciate everything, no matter how positive or negative it can be.

25.  Grit my teeth, bear the pain and move on.

To be continued..

I am very serious about this and I mean it. I will do it and I will die trying.
Let me fall.
Guide me along.
Give me time and patience.
Do not spoonfeed me.
Be mean and harsh to me.
Do not compliment me when I have done well, do it in your heart.
Make sure I do not enjoy my life for now.
Do anything for my own good.
But, I just require one simple favour.
Never ever leave me, even when I insist or backfire.

Trust me that I do not mean it hidden deep inside when your good intentions are backfired.
I'll work hard, give me time.
I just need to know that I really do matter to you, in your heart.

-' Directed to people whom I love and treasure, those who make efforts to keep me in their lives.

i will die trying , but does anyone understands ?

I totally got no motivation to finish my 10k words report ...

damn...
zzzz

If i were to finish it , who is willing to reward me ?

I think about roller coaster and "travelling" on the sea right now so desperately .

been stress for far way too long . i have like no tolerance level alr .