Victorielle , - All i need is you, to believe in me :) -

It used to be an usual practice of mine .
Shaking the can hardly and opening the lid with a "psst" sound .
and i started to binge drinking .
It wasn't meant to be an addiction in the first place, it was meant to torture my brain and made me stop thinking about the "unhappiness" .
Was having a "depression" that time .
I know i wasn't a good drinker, but i still drink it so that it will make my head pain and slowing down my brain process .
And of course terrible hangover on the following day .
I love it a lot seriously .

It was mid May on that year, i remembered .
And too much of alcohol sure do make me even more unable to remember things .
I wonder if alcohol will damage my brain cells and if they will recover ?
I want my fantastic memory back !
I used to be superly good at memory games !
But it's all gone, or maybe im too old to remember anything ?

Then i made a promise after some bargaining not to drink for more than two cans per day . ):
So uberly sad .
But he was there, supporting me and helping me to cure my addiction .
And till now, i never break that promise .

My resolution for this year is to be a better person and be filial to my parents .
But i'd failed .
Though i had removed my hatred and revenge *** ***, but i still have not show any love or concern to my parents .
Im such a bad daughter .

During my yoga class, I was asked to ask myself this question when we were lying down on the mat with lights off, "What makes me a happy person" .
I closed my eyes and think .
Breathing in and out, slowly and peacefully ..
........
It is my existing happy family and seeing my friends to be happy .
.......
......
.....
...
..
.
I really don't know what i should do .
Showing concern and care to others is a difficult task to do for me .
I don't wanna be a nonchalant person, but i think the past has made me one .

Every year since primary school, my teachers never fail to write "Ying Yi is a Cheerful person" .
...
...
Where has my cheerfulness gone to ?
Where ... where ..
i don't know .
. . .
. . .
I couldn't develop trust in anyone anymore .
Adults used to tell me,
When you are in the working life, you must be careful and don't anyhow trust anyone .
I don't know, i wonder is it when human beings start to grow up, they will be more scheming or more be careful in their every moves ? i don't know .

Well, i guess those who know me well should know what i will do next because, im feeling superly "thirsty" for it now ..
Its still early for hangovers because i only get it when i drink right before sleeping .
May i have a good day in school tomorrow ((: